I don’t remember Robin Williams not making me laugh.

When I was young, I watched Mork and Mindy reruns with my mom. I grew up when Mrs. Doubtfire, Jumanji, and Flubber came out. The Birdcage made me feel like just because I was the only non close minded person in my podunk town, didn’t mean I was the only one in the world. Patch Adams, What Dreams May Come, Dead Poets Society, Good Will Hunting, Death to Smoochy, etc., etc., etc. Even The Crazy Ones last TV season. I’ve never known a world without Robin Williams being such a talent in anything I saw.

I introduced my son to Mrs. Doubtfire this morning. He hasn’t laughed that hard at anything on television, ever. As an adult, the movie is less entertaining to me, as I can much more identify with Fields’ character, but the end still gets me. Particularly Mrs. Doubtfire saying good bye.

When the news broke August 11, I was shocked, as were most people. I dreaded telling my husband, who loves Robin Williams. I am selfishly glad that he found out before we spoke. That night I watched The Birdcage and laughed.

As someone who didn’t know him at all, I’m so sad that he’s gone. I wonder if the Parkinson’s diagnosis was the last straw. Maybe he was terrified at the thought of not being able to make people laugh anymore. He struggled with his demons, and I’m so sorry that they won.

Since his passing, I’ve seen so much about his work, his talent, but most importantly, so much about his kindness. He was a father and a husband, and a dear friend to so many.

I don’t believe in an afterlife, I think when we die, we just cease to exist. Hopefully we’ve left something worth remembering. Robin Williams left so many somethings.